how to uninvite someone from your wedding
Prior to the pandemic, uninviting guests to your wedding was out of the question, and while it is still a huge breach of etiquette, the last few years has seen a lot of wedding rules broken and certain faux pas become a little more accepted. And, given that 1.5k visitors a month are finding my website via this blog post, I’m going to say it’s something a lot of you are still struggling with, even though the days of COVID wedding restrictions are far behind us.
There are many reasons why you still might find yourself needing to downsize your guest list once the save the dates or invitations have been sent. As the cost of living keeps rising, you might find yourself blowing out the budget and reassessing the size of your wedding, maybe you sent your save the dates out in a flurry of excitement and invited someone you didn’t really want to; maybe there’s someone you aren’t on good terms with anymore or a friend or colleague that’s fallen of the radar, or, maybe you initially felt pressured into a big wedding and decided a more intimate event is more in line with your values.
Whatever the reason, narrowing down your guest list and communicating your decision to guests is going to be unpleasant. It’s important that you approach it in a thoughtful, intentional, and tactful manner and be accountable for your decision.
Here are my top tips on how to politely uninvite guests to your wedding.
BE CERTAIN OF YOUR DECISION
Uninviting someone should be the absolute last resort. Make sure you have considered all possible alternatives first. If it’s a budget issue, is there somewhere else you can cut costs? If it’s a personal reason, can you sit down and resolve it first? Is it possible you could grin and bear their attendance to avoid a potential scene and fallout?
BE HONEST WITH YOUR GUESTS
If you feel very strongly about your decision to uninvite someone, then it’s best to be honest about why and speak from the heart. Telling your story will help your guests understand. Be careful not to over-explain though, you don’t need to go into why you chose one person and over another. Keep it brief and compassionate.
LET YOUR GUESTS KNOW ASAP
There is no point fretting about it, once you’ve made the final call communicate your decision with guests sooner rather than later. It will save you a lot of stress and guests will appreciate knowing what is happening before investing any money on new outfits, accommodation or travel in anticipation of attending.
MAKE IT PERSONAL
A group text or blanket email won’t cut it here. Find a way to touch base with your guests individually. Call each guest and let them know, catch up in person if possible or send out a personalised card.
PROPOSE ALTERNATIVES
You can still make those guests whom you have had to leave out feel included and a part of your day. You could change their invite to be for the ceremony only, or consider live-streaming your day and invite them to join that way, or suggest another occasion when you will celebrate with them (and make sure you follow through with it)!
BE PREPARED FOR THE FALLOUT
No matter how diplomatically you try to uninvite someone from your wedding, there will inevitably be some fallout. If your decision is practical and reasonable, guests that are close enough to be invited in the first place will hopefully be empathetic to you having to make such a tough call. But, they might also be hurt or angry, and your relationship might not be the same afterward or, it might spell the end of a friendship altogether.
Getting your wording right in this situation is essential. Below are a few examples, please feel free to copy or adapt them to suit your situation.
WORDING EXAMPLES
We know that we had previously sent you an invitation to our wedding, but sadly, our circumstances have changed and we have to downsize our guest list. Please accept our deepest apologies for not being able to host you on our special day as planned. We will miss your presence and thank you for your understanding, love and support.
We understand this will probably be upsetting, and it breaks our hearts to say it, but we have made the difficult decision to rescind your invitation to our wedding. In light of [reason], we are just not comfortable with you being there. We’re really sorry.
Due to unforeseen [circumstances/reason] we have made the difficult decision to scale down the guest list for our wedding and will no longer be able to host you on the day. We understand this is really upsetting, please accept our sincerest apologies. We love you and will miss your presence. Thank you for your love and understanding.
Due to [reason], we have made the really difficult decision to alter the original plans for our wedding. We will be limiting our guest list to immediate family members only and tying the knot in a private ceremony. Please accept our apologies for not having you with us personally for this occasion. We look forward to celebrating with you at a later date.
In lieu of the larger wedding we originally planned, we have decided to exchange vows in an intimate ceremony with a scaled-down guest list. Please know that while we will no longer be able to celebrate with you in person, you will be in our hearts on this special day and we are forever grateful to have you in our lives.
We have made the difficult decision to downsize the guest list at our wedding. We are so sorry that we won't be able to celebrate with you on the day as we had hoped. Let’s mark the occasion together another time soon. We love you and thank you for your support and understanding.
Due to circumstances out of our control, we have had to alter our original wedding plans. We will be limiting our guest list to an intimate number and ask that you accept our apologies for not having you attend in person. However, we do invite you to join us virtually. [Link]. We thank you for your understanding and hope to celebrate with you in person soon.
